For far too long, babies have been allowed to sit on their lazy asses, sucking on tits without a care in the world. Now it's time for them to earn their keep. It's time for them to fight. The good news is there's already shit in their pants before they fight, so nobody gets embarrassed. I just hope Don King doesn't take all their money before they reach puberty.
I've met a lot of farting talents in my day but Fartin' Gary still reigns supreme. His farts are so dynamic, even the Osmond's couldn't compete. If he were to fart in all 276 languages at a UN press conference, peace would be increased in the Middle East. I just hope he meets a woman who can fart as good as he can. It could reverse global warming overnight.
My first girlfriend in high school was Latina and boy what a ride it was. My fondest memory was her inviting me over after school and me walking into her bedroom only to see her lying naked on her waterbed and both her and the waterbed were completely covered in baby oil. Did I mention she had huge boobs? Did I mention I'm really white? Anyway, my point is Latina girls are really hot, especially when they're covered in baby oil. Seriously, if you know any girls who have baby oil and a waterbed, try this immediately.
Today's Bonertown Hottie Of The Day is American Idol cleavage star Kattharine McPhee. Besides have nice boobs and being able to sing, Katharine is best known for letting Tyra Banks grab her boobs in order to defend their realness. Katharine tells Bonertown that she thinks it's funny that her boobs shake when she farts and that she hopes to one day eat ribs topless on top of the Eiffel Tower.
We all know William Shatner has some skeletons in his closet, but I always figured they were all female prostitute assassins. I've heard the legends that Shatner's skin is made of oak and that he once killed a man by winking at him, but these secrets are truly shocking.
I hope to one day wake up in a world where Sumo wrestlers aren't treated as sexual objects. Sure they have sublime buttocks, firm thighs and big natural tits, but that's no reason to treat them like pieces of meat. For the last time advertisers, sex does not make people want to buy stuff ... drugs do.
