February 21st, 2008
The Disassociated Press

I have to admit that the kick in the balls vs. the kick in the vagina pain debate has intrigued me for years. After much polling, I have found that women believe a kick to the vagina is just as painful as a kick in the balls. Then there's punching a girl in the vagina. This seems about as low a blow as anyone can make. Unless you're a horny video game designer and you decide to make an entire fighting game dedicated to girls punching each other in the vagina. I'm personally waiting for the Nintendo Wii sex game to come out. You know, the controller is a pocket vagina and you advance each level based on longevity. Something tells me Nintendo already made it, but it's only been released to members of congress. God damn Patriot Act.